So, I'm coming up out of the bart station tonight at around 7pm, it is still beautifully light, and I'm listening to the iPod and reflecting on my day. I had to speak briefly in a programming meeting this afternoon, and if you know me well, you know that the seminar-size table of people strikes terrible fear into my trembling and speechless heart. But today I was sitting between my two bosses, and I like them both, they are both men my age but they are both very much taller than me, they are kind to me, I like having two of them, and I felt very protected sitting between them, and that made the having to speak up a little bit easier. One is dark, and one is fair. This caused me to think about being in yoga the other day, it was a crowded class, and, somewhat unusually, there was a man on either side of me, one was dark and one was fair, and the whole practice, I felt sort of sweetly protected by them--just their scale alone--and companionable. I have two brothers, one dark, one fair; I had two fathers, one dark, one fair. Then I thought, you know, perhaps I should have two husbands! At that VERY MOMENT I was ASSAULTED AND ROBBED by two (male) assailants, one dark, one fair.
What say ye, friends and foes, to finish this luckless lady's fable?
it's been blissful. I didn't intend to leave the house at all yesterday, but david brazil just half an hour before the artifact reading was supposed to start, sent me an email saying only
you know that poiesis is more than a single thing. for of anything whatever that passes from not being into being the whole cause is composing or poetry; so that the production of all arts are kinds of poetry, and their craftsmen are all poets
and receiving this message, just when i was feeling isolated and weird, moved me so much to appreciation of my friends and fellows I got right into the shower and then went to the reading. And if you weren't there, you are sorry. David Larsen's never not compelling, but last night's reading---billed as his last before leaving for a post doc at Yale---was incredible. The names of the lion and the hyena and the wolf, splendid as they were (are), were yet the least of it. There was an essay on the sheisterism of the Oracle at Delphi and then there was the first section of a long poem claiming a thousand lines (not yet extant), which every single line apparently is going to be brilliant but of course the only one I remembered this morning is "If this is stupid, I hate smart". Brent in his introduction rightly described LRSN 's always operating outside of the langpo/not-langpo binary and thus giving lots of other poets permission to, basically, say, fuck all y'all as well. The whole reading was THE THORN exploded and DAVID LARSEN times ten thousand. It was great.
Then Wendy Kramer gave the SWEETEST introduction to Michael Basinski, saying some very funny and smart things about how we have this poetry community and we most of us have these day jobs, where we're all working all the time, and then we take the poetry so seriously and have so little time for it, and in our time that we have for it we are usually so EARNEST and forget to play and have fun, and I thought that was so funny and dead on.
and Michael Basinski. all I can say at this juncture about that is WOW and, I kept thinking, while he was doing his thing, that man has to take that mind to the grocery store for eggs, just like everybody else. The checkout girl has NO FUCKING IDEA. Michael, I've looked at a lot of O's today but although I keep thinking about the seals swimming up out of them, I'm not actually seeing it.
There was one off-note last night, which was Taylor Brady claiming the nonsite collective is comprised almost entirely of people w/o academic affiliation--say wha? I guess if 'academic affiliation' only means 'tenure-track faculty' that could be true, but hey there are a LOT of advanced degrees and a lot of adjuncting self-organizing the 'locationless' collective. I support the nonsite endeavor but not only is it an erroneous claim, it's a really weird inside-out self-aggrandization, ie, what's he saying exactly? we act like academics but we're not? it's bad to be called academics so I'll say we're not? our methods and frameworks (panel discussions, reading lists, curricula ) LOOK hella institutional, but, really, they're not? You can take the plowhorse out of the harness but...
Anyway. I spent the morning making the muxtape and the afternoon doing nothing much and now I'm reading the symposium. I close this post, in plea, to my friends, by further symposium quotation, however untrue it might be about lovers and their honour:
"And if there were only some way of contriving that a state or an army should be made up of lovers and their loves, they would be the very best governors of their own city, abstaining from all dishonour, and emulating one another in honour; and when fighting at each other's side, although a mere handful, they would overcome the world."
Seeking A Full Bush - 39 (San Francisco)Reply to: Date: 2008-05-22, 2:29PM PDT
What happened to real women? In the 70's everyone had a full bush, now, every girl I go out with over the last few years seems to have shaved everything "down there." I am single, good looking, fit, 6 feet tall, never married, no kids, no drama, a successful business owner, good personality,and in need of that one special beautiful woman who has what I desire. Are you out there? As far as a platform from which to go on, being a non-smoking, non-Republican with a full bush is an excellent start. I refuse to mention I like big boobs ( .) ( . ) - 38 Reply to: Date: 2008-05-22, 6:53PM PDT
I refuse to mention that I like women with huge knockers. Yes I am a tit man and I am coming out of the closet. I go nuttier than a squirl for a big of pair of bazookas. The problem is, if I mention I am looking for a women with big boobies, well she is just going to think I am a we bit of a perv. So whats a man to do, How do you subtly mention I am on a quest for a big pair of juggs. Now what self respecting women with the huge love guns would write to me. I mean you just can't go around saying you looking for a big pair of titties now can you,? What would people think? yes I want a date with your jiggly wigglies and you can come too!
Since I can't mention ( . ) ( . ), I will just have to write something like this. Handsome single 38, fun, white gent. tall, sexy blue eyes and all the other bits and pieces. Looking for love and a real girlfriend. Just don't forget to bring the sisters and a tight sweater :)LOL.
Don't all you big bosomed ladies write at once:)
Teach me how to cook, I'll teach you how to golf well... - 39 (SOMA / south beach) Are friends with benefits pase - 38
Married male seeking a friendship, warm relationship and more.... - 42 (the (415) zone) Handsome man seeking romance NSA - 38 (sunset / parkside) Reply to: Date: 2008-05-22, 8:38AM PDT
When choosing a man to have a casual sexual relationship with, you as a woman have many choices but it's very important that the you make the right choice and pick the right guy. There are many guys out there who will give you drama you don't want - such as calling you too much, being too needy or too controlling of you. There are guys who have std's from sleeping around too much. Then there are the guys who are bad in bed or average at best.
I am a man who won't give you the drama you don't want, won't get too clingy or controlling, have no std's and best of all: I am GREAT in bed.
Let me tell you a little more about myself. I have been married for 12 years to the same woman. I have a good marriage for the most part but my wife's interest in sex has diminished greatly over the years and despite tremendous efforts on my part to restore her interest, I have been left mostly sexually frustrated most of the time. I therefore decided that the best thing for me to do is to find a discreet casual "friend" - a woman who can keep a secret and not jeopardize my marriage.
I offer you an opportunity to be with someone who is safe - safe not only as in being disease-free but safe as in knowing that I am a married man who doesn't have the time to be out sleeping with multiple women. Unlike a single guy who has the time to sleep around, a married man has responsibilities to be home with his wife every night. This should make you feel more comfortable since std's are much easier to pick up than most single people realize. Condoms don't even offer 100% protection - regardless of what people think. Being in a monogomous sexual relationship with a married man gives you the best of both worlds - great sexual experiences with the maximum amount of safety.
In addition, I offer you the opportunity to be in a casual relationship with a man who is good-looking and physically fit - a man who really takes care of his body. Most men - single and married - do not really take care of themselves. They smoke, drink, and don't exercise. As for me, I don't smoke, drink very little, and I exercise every day including on weekends. My body looks and feels great and you will be happy to be with a man who takes care of himself like I do.
I am looking for only one woman to enter into a casual relationship with and here are my requirements:
First, I require that you are a woman between the ages of 21-48. Second, I require that you are a non-smoker. Third, I require that you are std-free. Fourth, I require that you are discreet - meaning that you aren't going to do anything to jeopardize my marriage. Fifth, I require that you are interested in meeting up with me for fun times and pleasure at least a couple of times a month on a regular basis. I'm not looking for a one-night stand so if a one-night stand is what you're looking for, move on to the next ad or try looking in "casual encounters". This pretty much sums up my requirements.
Now you'll notice that I didn't mention anything at all about your looks. Yes, it is important that the two of us be physically attracted to one another if we're going to be involved sexually with one another. But I'm the type of guy who doesn't have a "type" so I don't know the type of woman who I'll be attracted to until I actually meet her in person. Yes, a picture helps but sometimes people look better or worse than they do in their pictures.
In my life, I've been attracted to women who were thin, women who were average, and women who were very thick (and some would say FAT). I've been attracted to women of all races and colors as well. So if you are a woman who is reading my posting and you are feeling a little insecure about your looks and wondering if I'll be interested in you or not, stop wondering about it! There's only one way for you to find out and that's by sending me an email to say "hi". It costs nothing to write to me - absolultely free of charge! And when I write you back with my email address, I'll want you to take a chance by sending me a picture of yourself. I might really like you and you have no way of knowing if I'd be interested in you or not unless you send your picture.
Last night's dream merits a public telling. First I should say that I walked several miles yesterday, worked a full day, and then went to an intense yoga class. I've had an ongoing issue with my left knee; knee problems in yoga are often in fact HIP problems; the hips and the pelvis are the site of the second chakra, according to that system all kinds of messy stuff gets stored there. Your darkest terror, your emotional and sexual trauma, your relational sorrow. I walked home. I fell asleep exactly at 10pm. I dreamt I was in a shallow pool and being treated for ailments of the spirit by a team of two or more curers, and the method, by the language of the dream, was 'homeopathy' but seemed to be by practice more like acupuncture or acupressure. Each of my two hands and each of my feet were being leeched--but there weren't any slug-like creatures to be seen or felt--by either a hands-on pressure, or a "drawing-out" by needle. On the tops of hands and feet, not the palms and not the soles, and it felt exactly like acupuncture: that tense, vibrating, drawing-out feeling when the needle is in intense relation to energy. Stephanie was there, and seemed to be guiding or soothing one part of the healing. I had trouble moving, the process was paralyzing. Throughout I was being petted and soothed, this process was good for me. The implements or hands were removed, but something wasn't finished. I heard someone say, it's too late, she'll be waking up soon, we can't finish, and I answered, no, it's good for me, it's okay, let's continue. Stephanie agreed. I was no longer in the pool, I was in something more like a hospital bed. A nursery bed. The nurse took a flattened metal hook from the wall; it was a long curving half-U shape, and at the base was a flat metal point, somewhat dull. They used this implement to pierce the top of my left foot, at the point just above where the toes join the foot, where the skin is thinnest, between the tendons. There was blood everywhere. I woke up. It took me a moment to come to. I'd been dead asleep on my back, I usually sleep on my belly. It was exactly midnight. Was I scared? YOU BET I WAS.
How often do YOU find yourself in a room full of people who can drop fifty grand---AND SO MUCH MORE---in between the dim sum and the tart? There was at least one dress in the room the cost of which would cover the rent on my apartment---for a year. I was at the bar (where else?) when a woman about my age brushed past me: money buys the softest skin you've ever felt. And children with strong teeth, and genius. I felt sad watching them auction the Rauschenberg. A whole life up on the block? It went for almost double the estimate.
Then again, my only REAL problem with four hundred dollar handbags is that I can't afford them. Prove to me you don't feel the same.
Look, in other news, I went all dressed and tidy and keys and bags in hand to my garage/carriage house this morning, opened the barn doors and wow! NO CAR. Yeah. I LEFT IT AT THE BART STATION ON WEDNESDAY. And forgot it there. For three days.